


My Friend, My Enemy

by ThoseWhoFavorFire



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hamilton POV, Hamilton reflecting on his and Burr's friendship, just a bunch of flashbacks, this is what happens when I sit on a bus for four hours listening to Hamilton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 04:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7028638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoseWhoFavorFire/pseuds/ThoseWhoFavorFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Burr, my first friend, my enemy."</em>
</p>
<p>When all was said and done, Burr stood alive and Hamilton was dead. This is Hamilton's perspective reflecting back on the thirty year friendship that him and Burr had. Told in flashbacks as Hamilton dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Friend, My Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't planning on writing Hamilton fic but I guess I shouldn't be surprised when it's all I've been listening to for months.   
> Each section denotes a flashback to a different scene with a bold title. Direct quotes from the musical are interspersed as the dialogue in the flashbacks in italics. So, here is more upsetting reflective stuff the Hamilton fandom probably doesn't need or want.

**Teach Me How to Say Goodbye**

_I’m running out of time. I’m running and my time’s up. Wise up. Eyes up. I catch a glimpse of the other side._

How did this happen? I’m running out of time. It seems like I have forever in front of me but no time left at all. The other side. I can see it now. I’ll be there shortly. I’ll be reunited with Philip, my dear son. My mother too. Even Washington. How can I die? How can I say goodbye? There is so much more I meant to do. So many things that were left unresolved. Burr.

Think, think, think. Think back.

_Burr, my first friend, my enemy._

How did this happen?

 

**Your Obedient Servant**

Yes, here. Here is the beginning of my end. I was sitting in my home after the election. That’s when I got the first letter.

_“Dear Alexander,”_ he wrote. How many letters had I received from him in our thirty-year friendship? How many times had I seen that address written in his handwriting?

_“I look back on where I failed and, in every place I checked, the only common thread has been your disrespect.”_

I didn’t want this. This was never my intention. I never wanted to stand in the way of his success. I made the decision for the best of the republic. In fact, I made the decision for him as well. If only he could have understood that.

_“Dear Mr. Vice President,”_ I began my response. That was new. _Vice_ president. Not President. In a way, I could understand your anger. After all, it came down to my endorsement in the end.

_“I will not equivocate on my opinion. I have always worn it on my sleeve. Even if I said what you think I said, you would need to cite a more specific grievance. Here’s an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements.”_

Yes, there it is. Thirty years of disagreements. If I am being honest with myself, I have to admit that this didn’t just start here with these letters. This began a long time ago. I need to go back further. I need to go back to the beginning. Perhaps we were heading to this from the start.

 

**Talk Less, Smile More**

_“Pardon me. Are you Aaron Burr, Sir?”_

It might be hard for Burr to remember now, but we did start this as friends.

_“Can I buy you a drink?”_

_“That would be nice.”_

I would never have met any of them: Lafayette, Laurens, Mulligan. Burr was my first friend. Not only that, he was the one that gave me a group of friends.

_“While we’re talking let me offer you some free advice: talk less, smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.”_

_“You can’t be serious.”_

_“You want to get ahead?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead.”_

I ended up using his advice eventually. Though, not exactly in the way he intended. I was never good at being a politician, making people like me. That was Burr’s strength. People were either with me or against me. I wore my heart on my sleeve and if I had an opinion the whole world would know it.

Then again, I guess he was right in the end. I was a fool that constantly ran my mouth off. My own worst enemy, destroying my life and relationships to try to gain power and a legacy. I ran my mouth off and look where I wound up: dead.

_“Geniuses, lower your voices. You keep out of trouble and you double your choices. I’m with you, but the situation is fraught. You’ve got to be carefully taught: If you talk you’re gonna get shot.”_

Despite what I may have said, I know he has beliefs. In fact, sometimes they may even line up with mine. He just refuses to take a stand. We had different approaches. He was the cautious “ _wait for it_ ” to my brash and challenging “ _just you wait_ ”. Once again, I guess he knew it from the beginning. My way of doing things doesn’t mean success in the long run. It just gets you shot by someone you consider a friend.

_“Let him be_ ,” he said when I wanted to challenge Samuel Seabury. It didn’t stop me that time, but how many fights did he at least try to talk me out of? I had no self-control or self-preservation skills. He had enough to make up for my lack of both. Ironically, I might not have survived the last thirty years if we hadn’t been friends. If only I could be young again knowing what I know now. Then again, with my personality I don’t think it would make a difference if I had the chance to do it again.

_“Burr, I’d rather be divisive than indecisive. Drop the niceties.”_

 

**Rise Up**

_“Hamilton, have you met Burr?”_

_“Yes, sir, we keep meeting.”_

Burr was easily as qualified for the position I ended up with. Washington could have chosen him and the outcome of the war may not have been any different. Burr wanted the job, sought it out. I didn’t even want to be Washington’s right hand man.

_“Burr?”_

_“Sir?”_

_“Close the door on your way out.”_

I wanted to fight, which Burr got to do. I got the job he wanted and he got the job I wanted. Then again, Washington never liked people kissing up to him. It’s no wonder he chose me over Burr. This was the first time I surpassed him. Was this where our problems began? Is this what lead us to Weehawken?

_“I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”_

 

**Grab a Friend, That’s Your Second**

_“Can we agree duels are dumb and immature.”_

_“Sure, but your man has to answer for his words, Burr.”_

_“With his life? We both know that’s absurd, sir.”_

This was the first time we were on opposite sides of a duel, even if it wasn’t the two of us holding the pistols and shooting at each other. I used to be so ready to kill, so ready to die in battle or a duel. Dueling a man for slandering someone I respected seemed logical. I was under orders to not duel Lee, so Jack did it for me. Still, it was effectively a fight between the two of us as well.

Now, all these years later, look how my opinion has changed. Look how yours has changed.

_“Hang on, how many men died because Lee was inexperienced and ruinous?”  
“Okay, so we’re doing this.”_

 

**I Practiced Law**

_“Aaron Burr, sir.”_

_“Well it’s the middle of the night.”_

_“Can we confer, sir?”_

I don’t know what made me think he would write the Federalist Papers with me. I so badly wanted us to get along. I thought, with the war over, he’d take action. What was there left to wait for? I never understood his point of view. I still don’t think I understand it even now.

_“Burr, you’re a better lawyer than me.”_

I wasn’t lying then, when I was trying to persuade him. Just like he was technically a better politician than I was. He was persuasive. He knew what people wanted to hear. I didn’t have the right personality or temperament for either job. Sure, I was effective. People listened to me. I made them listen to me.

_“Burr, we studied and we fought and we killed for the notion of a nation we now get to build. For once in your life take a stand with pride. I don’t understand how you stand to the side.”_

 

**It Goeth Before the Fall**

_“Burr, since when are you a Democratic Republican?”_

_“Since being one put me on the up and up again.”_

This had to be when the friendship started to fracture. I never understood how his opinions could be so fluid. For the longest time my beliefs were all I had. I never kept them private either. Unlike Burr, I couldn’t change my opinions so dramatically without anyone noticing. Still, I saw this party change as a personal slight, especially since he took my father-in-law’s senate seat.

_“No one knows you or what you do.”_

_“They don’t need to know me. They don’t like you.”_

Looking back, I suppose I made more enemies than friends in my life. I can’t believe I managed to make an enemy even of him, one of my oldest and closest friends. Of course, it wasn’t all on me. We both played a part in driving the wedge between us. Still, I wish things could have gone differently. How is my death going to affect him? Does he still see me as a friend?

_“I’ve always considered you a friend.”_

_“I don’t see why that has to end.”_

 

**Vote for Burr**

_“Alexander!”_

_“You’ve created quite a stir, sir.”_

_“I’m going door to door.”  
“You’re openly campaigning?”_

_“Sure.”_

Burr surprised me when he showed up to my door, openly campaigning against Jefferson. He was creating quite a buzz. Everyone was talking about his campaign, asking my opinion. Yet, no one could get a straight answer from him about anything that mattered. I was still recovering from the grief of Philip’s death. I was focusing on my children and reaching a state of peace with Eliza again. Yet, everyone wanted to know how I was voting. Despite what Burr might think, it wasn’t an easy choice.

_“Is there anything you wouldn’t do?”_ I asked, already knowing the answer.

_“No. I’m chasing what I want and you know what?”_

_“What?”_

_“I learned that from you.”_

That surprised me. I honestly hadn’t reached a decision on the vote before he came to my door. He learned this from me? How could that be? How could he look at my decisions and think that chasing what I wanted got me anywhere? I destroyed my own life. I was my own worst enemy. Ambition was my folly. Maybe, I realized, ambition was Burr’s folly too. I put my own pride, my desire for a legacy, over everything else. I wrecked all my relationships, my marriage.

I never wanted that.

I didn’t want that for him either.

He probably wouldn’t have believed me if I had told him, but I wanted to protect him from making the same mistakes I did. It’s not like I’ll have the chance to tell him now.  
Still, I somehow didn’t foresee his reaction. I fear I destroyed him anyway.

_“The people are asking to hear my voice, for the country is facing a difficult choice. And, if you were to ask me who I’d promote: Jefferson has my vote.”_

 

**Careful How You Proceed, Good Man**

_“Burr, your grievance is legitimate. I stand by what I said, every bit of it. You stand only for yourself, it’s what you do. I can’t apologize because it’s true.”_

Back here again. I’m really reaching the end. I have never been one to back down from a fight and I don’t go back on my stances. That was our major disagreement in the end and it’s ultimately what lead here.

I said things I probably shouldn’t have. He did too. I knew even as I was writing this final letter that we had set something in motion that couldn’t be stopped, even though neither of us meant to set it in motion to begin with. He wanted blood or an apology. I would never apologize for my honest opinion.

_“Then stand, Alexander. Weehawken, dawn. Guns drawn.”_

_“You’re on”_

 

**This Is Where It Gets Me**

Of course, this spot is where I would duel him and die. A spot so close to where my son died, holding the same pistol. I took first position, fiddling with the gun and remembering what I told Philip when he asked for my advice on dueling.

_“When the time comes, fire your weapon in the air…this will put an end to the whole affair.”_

I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t shoot him. I am glad I wore my glasses. If Burr was going to be the last person I saw in life, I wanted to see him clearly.

_One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten Paces: Fire!_

I aimed my pistol at the sky, someone yelling _“Wait!”_ too late.

 

**My Friend**

_“I’ll see you on the other side. Raise a glass to freedom.”_

Burr, my first friend. Even after this I still don’t know what brought us here. I clearly don’t have the time or energy to figure it out now. I’m out of time and I can’t tell if there was anything I could have changed. Regardless, I’m sorry that this is the end.

_“I’ve always considered you a friend.”_

_“I don’t see why that has to end.”_

**Author's Note:**

> There you go, I wrote a thing. I was just thinking about how, in the end, I really like the idea that Hamilton endorsing Jefferson had at least in part been a way to try to stop Burr from making the same mistakes he did in his desperate grab for power.  
> Hey, you made it all the way to the note at the end. Thanks for reading the whole fic, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think. I might consider writing more Hamilton fic, although I'm not exactly sure what specifically I'd want to write.


End file.
